The worst RW gig and its' aftermath

       

            TUESDAY 9/20/22 11:02PM- I should’ve stayed home tonight, no doubt about it. The evening was kinda lousy as far as I’m concerned.   I tried to go with the flow but I felt like I was drowning.
          I got lost on the way TO the gig AND coming home FROM it. I dunno how OR why. As for the gig itself, yet again I couldn't hear myself and my playing was atrocious. My harmonies on the other hand, were, for the most part, perfect. Except that Ray's female singing partners sing parts that wander around, so it's hard for ME to harmonize when they wander around harmonically, singing some of the same notes I was singing.
      I was supposed to take some video,--I didn't. I was supposed to take some photos--I didn't. I was supposed to make audio recordings--I did not. So my (top secret ) swan song was a HUGE disaster for me. It was such a horrible way to end my Musical Life. And I found out that I don't like Ray's bass playing friend Gary. Such  is Life. I get tired of people telling me to stop whining. I'm really glad YOUR Life is so wonderful. I don't think mine is. Also, I don't live my life with my head in the clouds.
      It saddens me quite a bit that NONE of my so-called "friends" checks in with me on Fakebook. Actually, there is one friend who checks in with me occasionally, but apparently he's NOT on FB. Smart man. Dianne often asks me "Do you ever contact them"? And my answer is always "Do they ever contact ME?"
        WEDNESDAY 9/21/22 9:25AM--What I WANT to do is try to make the basement look the way it did  a week or so ago. It wasn't anywhere NEAR being immaculate, but it's worse now. I plan to start in the mid-afternoon, cancelling my nap--I rarely sleep at that time of the day anymore anyway. Having trouble imagining myself giving up Music, probably permanently. No more open mics, no more going out to see other bands...why bother?
11:31AM--suddenly things went well...I fixed the problem with my credit card; it took maybe two minutes, if that. After an unsuccessful attempt at making a copy of an LCB photo for Dianne, I switched to another machine and got it done-two copies. I think it cost about $6 bucks. I wanna do LOTS more but I gotta keep track of my money; the next SSA check is about ten days away, more or less. Cautiously, I would say it has been a good day--so far. I'm trying to be optimistic-for me, that's never easy.
 4:29PM--And yet I'm...happy, and mildly optimistic as well. You might not be able to tell, but I did a LOT of work on my side of the basement. And when I wasn't looking for it, I found the framed LCB photo that I had given up looking for. Naturally. So I had made one for Lotte and one for Dianne, THEN I find the original. Business as usual. AND I found the photo album I'd been looking for; turns out there were NO band pix in it. Again business as usual.
5:11PM--feeling good about getting Phase One of the Transformation Project done. I'd like to think that I can finish it tomorrow. Unless there's something I'm supposed to do that I've forgotten about. Which wouldn't surprise me a bit.
6:47PM--and now that's what I'm worrying about...I really wouldn't mind having nothing to do for a few days. I can go back to working on the basement.
6:53PM-I think Bippy's is happening tomorrow. Dunno if I wanna go or not. IF I go, I might just take my Bass. So much for giving up being a Musician, right? I believe I can give it up, but I think I have to do it gradually. And playing Bass is fun for me most of the time.
7:33PM--I think I have to make a run over to Target to buy a pair of shorts. Now I have something else to do tomorrow.
9:27PM--and I think Dianne needs me to return some stuff she bought. And that's when I'll go to Target. On a clandestine mission to get me some shorts...Like it or not, I think we need to go to the Laundromat this coming weekend.
10:15PM--Now I'm starting to have second thoughts about going to Bippy's. SHEESH. Frankly, I wonder what, if anything, I would get out of it. Will I regret going? The way I regret going to Brian Boru? I need a sign from...somewhere, that I should go. For what it's worth, Dianne thinks I should go.
11:11PM--scrolling thru Fakebook increases my depression...I REALLY need to stay off of it as much as possible-and THAT won't be easy. I keep coming back to all those so-called friends who DON'T check in with me. It makes me depressed AND kinda angry. Especially when I think about the time I wasted forming all those potential friendships. Well, we come in alone, we go out alone. Why NOT spend the time in between alone?