I'm scared (a little)

 

      MONDAY 5/9/22 9:06AM-- the closer I get to Dianne's departure, the more nervous I'm getting. I don't like that. Yesterday, I suddenly realized that I didn't know where the car insurance card for the Sonata is. That really makes me nervous, not sure why...in general, I'll feel a whole lot better when she comes back home.
      SueEl called yesterday, but I didn't feel like talking. I still don't. And I certainly don't feel like playing Music. I would call that serious. I actually thought buying a new guitar would cheer me up, but it didn't. There's $500 I shoulda saved.
11:57AM--I guess I'm a glutton for punishment--me and Butterscotch are likely going to Hank's tonight. SueEl needs a ride, of course. I want to give myself whatever benefit of doubt there may be; B II just isn't 100% ready yet IMO. And I might take my amp just in case I need it.
4:57PM--Butterscotch was in tune about an hour ago; now? who knows?
7:18PM-Well, Butterscotch is still in tune with itself, I don’t know if it’s tuned A440 you’re not; I guess we’ll find out in a few minutes. I’m more excited about being here now than I was a couple of hours ago; that must mean something,  but I don’t know what.
8:03PM-I’m gonna try not to get lost in the mix-if Jim is onstage at the same time as me, that is. 8:23PM-Don’t yet have a drummer…We rarely do. Maybe by the time we get up there we will.
8:29PM-I think Brad’s worried about me being in tune; He has moved us further down on the list.
8:51PM and we still haven’t gotten up there yet; frankly I’m not happy about that. Oh well, you make the best with what you got I guess. And as I feared Jim is on stage and he’s very loud; I don’t like THAT either Surely I’m not the only person in there who thinks it’s too loud. It’s my fault that I didn’t bring any kind of earplugs..|
9:07-actually I had a pair in the car; I’ve used them a time or two before; but they’re better than nothing, right?|
9:15PM-I’ve gotta hook my pedals up again. And I’m almost too tired to be nervous-that’s ALMOST.
9:48PM-I think I’ve played worse; I can’t blame the guitar and I can’t blame Jim. I WILL say I was not at all warmed up, but at least I was in tune.
10:03 PM-in an act of desperation, I jumped on stage uninvited during the blues jam. Of course that meant I could  barely hear myself, but I don’t regret it-yet. I’m even contemplating going to Hershey’s on Thursday!!!Now THAT’S desperation.
11:18PM--and of course there's the matter of swallowing one's pride...If the Jam is gonna be outside, I'm more likely to go; otherwise, who knows?
TUESDAY 3:51AM--I had a glass of VERY warm skim milk to help me sleep. According to my research, I shoulda done it about ten minutes before I went to bed. Oh well...There seems to be a fair amount of cleaning/straightening to be done before I take Dianne to the airport. We'll see how THAT goes.
9:03AM--Dianne's packing, I'm slowly but surely cleaning up 'round here. I'm afraid to throw things out; if I do, that would be the stuff she wanted to keep, right? I think I'm gonna have lotsa stuff to do that I'd rather have moral support nearby for. A lot of that stuff will likely have an impact on my credit score and/or bank account. I know of nothing going on tomorrow other than physical therapy, and that's plenty for me considering the shape I'm in.
         Thursday, of course, SueEl and I could be going to Hershey's. See how desperate I am to play in public? If I/we DO go, I'm gonna use Butterscotch...and my amp. I'm really hoping we'll be outside; Spring may finally be here
9:44AM--there's a tug-of-war going on inside me...I'm excited, but I'm scared too. Gonna focus on the good stuff.
12:32PM--Dianne is on her way to New York State and I'm alone with a cat and dog. And a TO DO list to be created sooner or later...
3:01PM--I JUST UNCLOGGED THE UPSTAIRS TOILET!!! That's cause for a celebration IMO. Wendy's for Dinner tonight...Perseverance pays off sometimes. I'll get Dinner after my visit to CVS to get the Trazodone refill. Might even pick up some more Melatonin and use that in conjunction with warm milk. All of a sudden, it's a good day. I'll cross my fingers.
5:58PM--just finished dinner...what with the (temporary?) demise of ME TV, there's not as much stuff I wanna watch on TV. So I'm left watching stuff just to kill time and just because I recorded it. 
7:23PM--Incredibly I'm having trouble staying awake NOW. I guess that means I'll be wide awake by the time I want to go to bed. It figures.
8:04PM--yeah, I'm more awake now than I was before...I got another medical bill...Gonna try not to think about it all until tomorrow. But I'm having some trouble not thinking about it. Still, I must try.

9:16PM-now the downstairs toilet is acting up… I might have to call the plumber to come here after all.